A Mother's Guilt

I always heard people talk about "mother's guilt" before I had children of my own, but like so many other things about motherhood, you can never fully understand or appreciate it until you've lived it. Like anything else, some days it's worse than others, but for a person who struggles with misplaced guilt anyway, it's ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I feel guilty for so many things (sometimes all in one day!) that I never imagined feeling guilty for. Like taking a nap or catching up on a t.v. show or 3 while my children nap in the afternoon instead of tackling my to do list for the day, or the handful of times I've taken a trip for a few days and left them with my mom (I usually feel more guilty about leaving them than how much I miss them while I'm gone!), or letting them watch t.v. so I can get something done (or take a shower!!), or not spending enough time with them on any given day, or letting them eat some unhealthy snack before dinner just so I can get dinner finished! I could go on and on, and of course I try to reason with myself about how nobody is perfect or there is nothing wrong with taking time for myself every now and then, but the guilt never seems to fully go away. Then, of course, there's the one legitimate guilt that I'm sure almost every mother experiences from time to time when your children push the wrong button and you loose your temper and yell at them louder than you should or hand out some other unwarranted punishment because you're angry rather than because it fits the offense. That is the worst! But, in my short 3+ years of experience as a mom I have figured out this one thing at least. As unpleasant as the guilt may be, it only comes out of love and wanting to be the best mom I can to my babies. I'm not here to be their best friend and make them happy all the time. As much as I want to it's just not the best thing for them, they need to learn discipline and boundaries. And as much as I sometimes hate to admit it, taking better care of myself will ultimately make me a better mom in so many ways. So I'm going leave the kiddos with Granddad for a few hours this weekend and go get my birthday pedicure with my mom and maybe do some shopping (the kind where I don't have to monitor little sticky fingers that like to try to pull everything off the shelf as we go by, or get everything done in a hurry in case someone has a meltdown in the middle of the store forcing me to make a premature exit), and I'll remind myself, probably more than once, that it's as good for them as it is for me to get some time away every now and then, not to mention the great bonding time they'll get with my dad while I'm gone :)